i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
