Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
