I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
