were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize