you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
handjob tips. give me some.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize