i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
