please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
