Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize