Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
