the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
