stop calling my apartment porn island.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
