Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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