his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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