My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
