are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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