I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
