Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
