census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
