Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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