i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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