dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
