A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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