i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
