oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you didnt know i had herpes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
