Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
