I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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