Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
