She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
