Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
These tits shall not be calmed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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