I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
