he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
