the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
