I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
