doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
