The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
