He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
