The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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