Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
