I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
