hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
