hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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