New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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