I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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