I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
