Michael Bay diarrhea
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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