Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
