I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drake has all the answers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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