think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
