I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
