Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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