He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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