you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
