then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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