This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
