What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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