Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
