i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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