We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
