dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
