If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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