why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize