What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
