Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no, he came in my armpit
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
