If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
