She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
