i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
