i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
