Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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