Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
