someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
