I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
